A Muslim, a Croat, and a Serb were sitting near a river bank. Suddenly a figure emerged from the water and said,' Each one of you make a wish and it will be granted.' The Serb spoke first:' I wish all the Croats would die!' The Croat retaliated,' I wish all the Serbs would die!' It was now the turn of the Muslim,' All I want is a cup of tea,' he said.' My two fondest wishes have just been fulfilled!'
I am Croatian so only racial joke I have the balls to tell
An atheist, a Jew and a Christian walk into a bar.
And have a good time because they're not jerks.
Of course none of them invited their Muslim coworker...
Because they know that Muslims aren't supposed to drink and they are respectful of other people's lifestyles decisions.
(To be fair, I still feel awkward about this in real life because my best friend is a Muslim and won't sit at a table with drinks on it. And I know the answer is no and I feel it's wrong to sound amnesic about it or like exerting pressure, but I'm not comfortable with exclusion by default without even asking either.)
Apparently, it is no longer politically correct to use the term 'Full English Breakfast' as it offends the natives.
On the first day of the Olympic Games the Romanians get a golden medal. On the second one they get two more. On the third one they're caught.
I see the Romanians have had a good Olympics so far. They have taken Gold, Silver and Bronze already...
Plus copper, lead, tin and anything else that they can get their hands on.
It's nice to watch all the Africans playing at the World Cup.
Or France as they are called.
I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked wonderful or was it just the 20th outfit she'd tried and he just wanted to get to the party.
I shouted over to my neighbour earlier:
"Your kid's moustache looks stupid - get it shaved off."
"Give me one good reason why I should," he replied.
"I'll give you two, Abdul," I said. "She's seven."
A friend came over one day, visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his third cousin.
I told him, "If it upsets you that much, quit counting them."
The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat.
Then I remember they just feed off attention.
Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I'll show you a man who's trying to shag a vegan.
"Can you name a famous explorer that has been forgotten?" asked my son.
"Internet Explorer," I replied.
Man found hanged in his flat, 8 years after committing suicide.
Sort of proves his point, really.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?"
"Do you think you will ever get a girlfriend?
"No, dad, not at all."
"Are you gay?
"No, dad, and will you please fuck off with your lesbian fantasies."
I can't see those guns made on 3D printers catching on.
If HP make the cartridges, it will be cheaper to buy an AK-47.
When I was younger I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters P N E I S and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Facebook.
A major hurricane is about to hit India, so if anyone needs to call their bank or cable/internet company, do it soon.
Post by petertherock on Nov 6, 2014 8:57:44 GMT -5
An Indian a cowboy and a Muslim walk into a bar...
The Indian says, "My people were once many, and now are few." The Muslim says, "My people were once few, and now we're many." The cowboy says to the Muslim, "That's because we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet!"