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Post by AeroCooper on Nov 4, 2014 19:51:17 GMT -5
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
JUAN!
What's the first 3 words in every Mexican cookbook?
"Steal a chicken"
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Join Date:
Apr 17, 2024 19:55:43 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2014 19:59:04 GMT -5
A Muslim, a Croat, and a Serb were sitting near a river bank. Suddenly a figure emerged from the water and said,' Each one of you make a wish and it will be granted.' The Serb spoke first:' I wish all the Croats would die!' The Croat retaliated,' I wish all the Serbs would die!' It was now the turn of the Muslim,' All I want is a cup of tea,' he said.' My two fondest wishes have just been fulfilled!' I am Croatian so only racial joke I have the balls to tell
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Post by AeroCooper on Nov 4, 2014 19:59:53 GMT -5
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
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Post by AeroCooper on Nov 4, 2014 20:00:46 GMT -5
Yo mama so dumb she stole free samples.
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Post by anaix3l on Nov 4, 2014 22:16:41 GMT -5
An atheist, a Jew and a Christian walk into a bar.
And have a good time because they're not jerks.
Of course none of them invited their Muslim coworker...
Because they know that Muslims aren't supposed to drink and they are respectful of other people's lifestyles decisions.
(To be fair, I still feel awkward about this in real life because my best friend is a Muslim and won't sit at a table with drinks on it. And I know the answer is no and I feel it's wrong to sound amnesic about it or like exerting pressure, but I'm not comfortable with exclusion by default without even asking either.)
Apparently, it is no longer politically correct to use the term 'Full English Breakfast' as it offends the natives.
On the first day of the Olympic Games the Romanians get a golden medal. On the second one they get two more. On the third one they're caught.
I see the Romanians have had a good Olympics so far. They have taken Gold, Silver and Bronze already...
Plus copper, lead, tin and anything else that they can get their hands on.
It's nice to watch all the Africans playing at the World Cup.
Or France as they are called.
I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked wonderful or was it just the 20th outfit she'd tried and he just wanted to get to the party.
I shouted over to my neighbour earlier:
"Your kid's moustache looks stupid - get it shaved off."
"Give me one good reason why I should," he replied.
"I'll give you two, Abdul," I said. "She's seven."
A friend came over one day, visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his third cousin.
I told him, "If it upsets you that much, quit counting them."
The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat.
Then I remember they just feed off attention.
Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I'll show you a man who's trying to shag a vegan.
"Can you name a famous explorer that has been forgotten?" asked my son.
"Internet Explorer," I replied.
Man found hanged in his flat, 8 years after committing suicide.
Sort of proves his point, really.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?"
"No, dad."
"Do you think you will ever get a girlfriend?
"No, dad, not at all."
"Are you gay?
"No, dad, and will you please fuck off with your lesbian fantasies."
I can't see those guns made on 3D printers catching on.
If HP make the cartridges, it will be cheaper to buy an AK-47.
When I was younger I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters P N E I S and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Facebook.
A major hurricane is about to hit India, so if anyone needs to call their bank or cable/internet company, do it soon.
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Post by AeroCooper on Nov 5, 2014 6:10:17 GMT -5
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Post by petertherock on Nov 6, 2014 8:57:44 GMT -5
An Indian a cowboy and a Muslim walk into a bar...
The Indian says, "My people were once many, and now are few." The Muslim says, "My people were once few, and now we're many." The cowboy says to the Muslim, "That's because we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet!"
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Post by bartman2001 on Nov 6, 2014 11:13:35 GMT -5
What's black and sits at the top of the stair case?
Stephen hawking in a house fire.
What do lesbians do for dinner?
Eat out
What do Tom Brady and the circus have in common?
The both have 2 more rings that Peyton Manning.
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Post by AeroCooper on Nov 6, 2014 11:38:39 GMT -5
You may recall from the Funny Pictures thread:
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
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Post by bartman2001 on Nov 6, 2014 12:14:24 GMT -5
You may recall from the Funny Pictures thread: What's black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard! What do you call a black man flying an airplane?..... Pilot, You racist bastard!
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Post by AeroCooper on Nov 6, 2014 18:30:10 GMT -5
What should you do if an epileptic is having a seizure in your bathtub?
Throw in your laundry and a cup of soap.
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Post by anaix3l on Nov 7, 2014 18:10:43 GMT -5
My Grandpa used to say, "Don't follow other people's path, create yours to be followed."
During WWII, he got killed in a minefield.
When I see lovers' names carved into a tree I don't think it's cute, I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date.
What do you get if you inject antifreeze into oranges?
Sacked from Asda.
Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?
Applicant: Hmm... probably having sex with my boss's wife.
Interviewer: Excuse me?
Applicant: Nah, I'm only kidding. Definitely making jokes at inappropriate times.
I was reading in the Daily Mail about how Britain will be flooded with Romanian immigrants next year, who are notorious for benefit scrounging and anti-social behaviour.
Who says immigrants don't integrate well?
We have a very old saying in England.
Salem alaikum allahu Akbar.
What have a Scottish £10 note and a Pakistani got in common?
Once they get into England you can never get rid of them.
How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?
Don't worry, they'll let you know.
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Post by AeroCooper on Nov 7, 2014 20:46:08 GMT -5
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
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Post by AeroCooper on Nov 7, 2014 20:47:50 GMT -5
What's the difference between onions and prostitutes?
I cry when I cut up onions.
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Post by livebootleg on Nov 8, 2014 17:27:57 GMT -5
Did you know that 80% of Asian optometrists have cataracts? ...The other 20% have rincolns
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