I do understand the topic has become polarised but I'm tired of this and the constant vilifying of men. Gender double standard and sexism exist for BOTH sexes. It's not just little girls that are being brought up as little girls, it's little boys being brought up as men too, disposable, useless men that are going to do the hardest and most dangerous jobs, that are going to commit suicide, that are going to be homeless and have a shorter life expectancy and so on... everyone has struggles.
Red herring much? I'm very much aware there are situations in which it's more disadvantageous to be a man. I'm the one who told you that you might have been allowed to keep your bag on you at the Berlin show if you hadn't been a guy. And in general, I'm very much aware I've benefited a lot in life from being perceived as more likely to be harmless, less likely to cause problems. Partly because I'm a woman and quite literally the size of a
bigger penguin.
Ironically, the fact that you brought this up pretty much proves my point. You sound just like the crazy feminists you bitch about. And trust me, I know they exist and they're ready to rip you apart if you ever dare ask to either be removed from a "Women in Tech" list (which you find
degrading anyway) or be paid because your name and your reputation that was built on years of work is being used for someone else's shameless self-promotion. But you sound exactly like them when they complain about the "toxic culture" and all that blabla. Oh, no, poor me, it's always the others who are to blame. And if somebody points out a flaw in your argument, you immediately jump to say "well, what about X?"
Two wrongs don't make a right.
You could at times just shut up and maybe at least try to consider that you're fundamentally wrong about some things. For example this:
I also recently lost a lawsuit even thought I knew I was the victim but I played by the rules, got a lousy lawyer and did some mistakes. I learned my lesson and moved on. Oh and this happened weeks after the alleged crime happened, not 48 fucking years ago.
You think everyone else is going to have the money to sue? You think everyone else is confrontational enough to sue? You think everyone else is completely unconcerned with having everything they've worked so hard for destroyed by the backlash something like this might trigger? Oh, wow...
You saw Aerosmith in 2014, right? I didn't. I gave that up to speak at a conference that promised me 1000€. That was more than I was making in a year at the time. I worked for a month on an interactive presentation. Well, multiple presentations, because I wanted to make it fun for the audience and let them choose between multiple things I would live code... I don't even remember what all of them were, but I recall they chose the pentakis dodecahedron morphing into an excavated dodecahedron. Even though it was one of the most technical talks, no appeal to emotion, hardly any comedy and even though I didn't have a great speaking flow (it just feels so fucking robotic and over-rehearsed), my talk was the most watched one, having three times more views than the second most watched talk from that event.
When time came to pay me, they claimed they tried to do it, but apparently the payment didn't go through because of technical issues. When I asked them to try again, they told me oops, sorry, we've already spent the money. I didn't say and I didn't do anything. Unless you count fantasies about taking a hatchet and chopping them into tiny pieces. The people behind the event had been well-known and respected in the industry for decades. I had started speaking at tech events just months earlier. I didn't want that confrontation, especially since I know for sure at least some of the other speakers did get paid. I was afraid nobody would believe me and then it would be me who would have to get the fuck out of the industry. And I felt guilty too. If I only could have had more experience. More reason as to why I should be respected. If I hadn't been a brokeass, a nobody... All that was on me. And if they indeed did chose to only pay the better known speakers who would have been likely to sue them or at least to publicly say something about it, then they weren't the first, nor were they the last. I have heard similar stuff about other events I fortunately had nothing to do with. A lot of others have let themselves intimidated by the status of the people behind the events that eventually went back on their promise to pay.
Half a year ago, WizzAir cancelled my flight back home just a hours before it was supposed to happen, while I was on the S-Bahn going from the Hamburg main train station to the airport. Although they are required by law to provide the earliest possible alternative (and that legal requirement doesn't just include their own flights, but those of other airlines as well), the earliest flight they offered me from the same airport was 4 days later. They refused to provide a flight with another airline. I ended up switching to a flight from Dortmund (300km to the south of Hamburg and right next to Essen, where I had woken up that morning at 3am, after going to sleep at 1am at the end of three tiring festival days, in order to take the 5am ICE train to Hamburg... just to make sure I'm a responsible adult who takes into consideration that trains might have delays and does everything possible to show up in time for her flight... scheduled at 4:20pm) 2 days later. They refused to book transportation and overnight accommodation even though they're legally required to do so. This the EU regulation 261/2004 establishing common rules on compensation and assistance to passengers in the event of denied boarding/ cancellation/ long delays. This regulation exists precisely for people in my situation, who cannot afford the costs of such a travel disruption.
They basically refused to do all these things that they're legally required to do. They said book shit yourself then fill in the refund form. Not only that, but I got mocked "that's what you get for booking low cost" and threatened because I kept insisting that they're required to book accommodation & transportation... I just didn't have it in me for all that confrontation. I spent money out of the money for my next concert trip (to Vienna, almost a month later... when I took money out of those for the concert trip to Dynamo in Eindhoven, where I then couldn't afford to go t anymore because of this) to book a hotel. I didn't trust they'd refund me, so I didn't buy a train ticket for an ICE (InterCity Express - the fast, direct trains) to Dortmund, as that would have been 102€ if purchased on the same day for the rush hour (afternoon). Instead, I opted to change trains five times using the 9€ summer ticket, which was valid for a month all across Germany on all local means of transportation, including the slow, short distance regional trains.
I was right not to trust them. After I filled the refund forms (one for the 400€ compensation they owe for cancelled flights of distances of over 1500km), I got back an answer that yes, they're sorry my flight was delayed (they didn't even admit it was cancelled!) and they'll refund any food and drinks I may have had during the delay up to... 4€! I'm sure you can't even fit both a pretzel and a bottle of water in 4€. They completely ignored the fact that I had attached my hotel invoice, my 9€ ticket... twice even, once when filling in the forms and then again in response to their email saying the flight was just delayed, please explain how was I in Dortmund after you said I had already flown to Bucharest and what is the deal with this boarding flight from Dortmund for one of your flights, after you said I had already flown to Bucharest? They completely ignored all that. If you don't send us bills from airport up to 4€, we'll consider case closed.
Did I do anything? No. They correctly assumed I cannot afford to sue. I can file a complaint with the EU consumer protection. But for months... I just didn't have it in me to do it. I'm just not up for that confrontation. For having every move that I made questioned. Why am I such a loser that I booked a low cost flight? Why am I so easy to be pushed around and let myself intimidated at the airport and didn't insist? And now, as pillis say... why the fuck did I wait so long? Well, precisely because of these questions. Because, while I know damn well what the law says, I fucking read it countless times and asked for clarifications, I still feel bad for being such a fucking loser who cannot afford more than a low cost flight. I still feel bad for being an idiot or sleep-deprived or mellow or non-confrontational or whatever the fuck and letting myself intimidated into spending money I couldn't afford to spend on that damn hotel. And I feel bad for feeling bad about these things and not up to filing that damn complaint.
But a lot of people
did file complaints over shit like this. Just like I know a lot of people did file complaints over Blue Air only offering a voucher for the cancelled flights of 2020, with no option of getting the money back before or after the voucher expires.
I didn't do that either. I just didn't have it in me to do it. I can't afford to lose the money, but I'd rather just work until I pass out to compensate for the money lost than go the confrontation route.
And these are just a couple of examples. Some people just avoid confrontation like the plague, pillis. Sometimes shit just hits the fan and it all just blows up like the Hunga Tonga volcano. And that's when you say women are crazy, I guess. Out for blood for all the times when avoiding confrontation with other humans led to things happening in private, in bathrooms or other such places. Overdoses, punching things until you're all bruised and bloodied. I'd rather choke in my vomit or break my own bones than hear insults I've heard too many times before.
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Unrelated, I've personally used twitter quite a bit. For work reasons (for STEM, it has always been
the platform), to keep up to date with bands I'm interested in and for random relaxing silly stuff.
I know a lot of people have complaints about how it's a vile place where all the monsters from the other side of the political spectrum pile on you. But, as with a lot of other things, it's what you make of it. A lot of the accounts spitting out hateful tweets on both sides are just bots anyway. Just like other platforms, there's a huge spam and scam problem. Plus, argument drives up engagement, which drives up revenue. Unfortunately, a lot of real normal humans get sucked up in that as well. Which I find disturbing. And sad.
I've always tried to stay away from it. I wrote a bit of custom code that simply hides trends and all the high engagement stuff twitter wants to explore. I have to tweak it from time to time as Twitter tweaks its codebase too, but oh, well... I also block promoted tweets and hide notifications from accounts I don't follow. Yeah, the avoiding confrontation trait showing its head again. My twitter experience has always been and still is a mix of STEM stuff, music, customer support, cute animals (some of which I've shared here too) and silly fun.
Here's
an example of stuff that comes into my timeline that I think those from the US might like since it's... a national emblem? Is that what you call it?
Guess that also explains why I rarely miss tweets from the Aerosmith/ Vampires camp... I've been very careful about what I end up seeing, so there's not that much stuff in my timeline their tweets can get drowned among.
I've avoided looking at twitter comments on this lawsuit story because I know it's bound to get some really unhinged ones from both sides. And I have better stuff to do than read filth.
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Oh, and one more thing. Julia saying she felt powerless to resit Steven. I don't think that's a lie. But I also think it's more likely that pressure she felt was the result of how she saw the world at 16, rather than coming from anything Steven consciously did.